So Fresh

Sometimes working really hard to be someone you're not shines a bright light on who you actually are.

I'll start by conceding that this summer was incredibly, cruelly, mercilessly tough. Not in any significant way other than trying to run through the brutal, unrelenting heat and humidity. Trying to get excited about a Fall marathon, even one as monumentally insane as New York, proved to be nearly impossible. So this summer of running was just a huge drag. I remembered quite quickly why I hadn't opted for a Fall marathon since my first one back in 2005--it is preferable to bundle up than to melt away into oblivion, a lonely puddle along the bike path shrouded in sodden, but really cute, running clothes.

I thought I'd gotten myself on a good path by hiring a coach. Workout after workout I dutifully ran in circles (well, ovals) around the track, or slogged like a pack mule carrying my hydration getup on long runs. I logged every run, every pace, every emotion, every raindrop (or sweat drop as it was). I ran by myself in the early dark morning at the track, after hopping the fence to get in. (Er, don't share that part) I recruited friends to plod along on my recovery runs.

But, even after doing it all right, something wasn't right. I felt cut loose, drifting aimlessly towards some nebulous goal. Am I progressing? Are these workouts the right fit for me? Why am I signed up for a 5K? Why has every race been a complete disaster since May?

I spent enough time feeling frustrated with my running that I took a closer look. And I what I saw looked nothing like what I know works for me. I was running, and running, and running some more; then I remembered I am not someone who needs to do two long runs per week. I don't have to run 60+ miles per week to find success. Running 60-90 seconds per mile slower than my go-out-for-a-run pace on 80% of my runs is beyond unenjoyable--it is torture. I don't enjoy going into a workout with a cheat sheet because I can't remember all the paces and segments and duration without one. It just wasn't for me.

So I made a change. It was not easy. I am not someone who relishes letting others down or making people upset. I am terrible with confrontation, even in its mildest form. But I found a coach who is local to me, met with her, and signed right up. I also let me former coach know it wasn't anything personal---I just needed a little more face-to-face interaction. My current situation has me working with a coach who is not only running New York this year as well, it's her SEVENTH time running it. Her PR is from this race. I'm pretty sure she can point me in the right direction. I've only been working with her a week and already I've gotten a ton of positive and encouraging feedback.

I am not all the way there yet, but I feel like I'm running happy and free, like the old me is coming back. I've learned so many things that don't work for me along this running path. I am not a CrossFitter. I am not a high-mileage runner. I am not fancy. Give me some bodyweight exercises, maybe a kettlbell, 400 and 800 meter and mile repeats.  A tempo run.

And cooler temps.

Let's do this, starting fresh.