Implosion

Face full of fire, legs full of rocks, lungs full of mud. That pretty much sums up my run today.

I had modest aspirations of running an easy six. Last night's CrossFit workout included about a gajillion back squats and fronts squats and split jerks and box jumps, which could explain my heavy legs today. But not my burnt-out lungs and brain.

I don't get it. Just a few months ago, despite marathon training not going exactly as planned, I was still running well, able to string at least a seven-miler together without incident. Now I feel like I'm lucky to get in three without having to stop. Is it anxiety? One day the run will feel good, rather effortless, if not quite as fast as I'd been running during training. The next one will be an all-out disaster.

What is happening to me? Do I need to cut back on the frequency or intensity of my CrossFit workouts to get in decent training runs? Is it the heat and humidity? Am I just broken, irreparable? On these awful runs I just want to sit down and cry. I am beyond frustrated and don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Even slowing down pace doesn't always seem to help.

I'm taking a rest day tomorrow, from everything. No weights, no WODs, no running. I need to seriously re-evaluate what the hell I'm doing before I go crazy.