Can we be frank here for a minute? I mean, sure we can--this is a blog no one reads! This morning I had a run that was cut short due to . . . well, who needs to be polite? MAJOR IMPENDING POOP DOOM.
Holy cats, I was looking so forward to this morning's run. The weather was perfect: fifty degrees, calm, clear. I didn't even wear a jacket. I was planning on a nice, easy seven miles. In fact, it was one of those runs when you feel like you can run forever.
IF YOU DIDN'T FEEL LIKE POOPING YOUR PANTS THE ENTIRE WAY.
Somewhere between my front door and the end of my street I got the little nagging feeling that maaaaaybe I should turn back, get my business done at home, and head back out. But by the time I woke up this morning (mentally--not when I physically got out of bed), got everything I needed to do done and got out the door, I didn't think I'd have enough time to run as far as I wanted to in the time that was left.
Well. Bad choice.
Legs felt great, head was great, and MAN did I need to poop every step of the way.
Let's me be clear about this: I am not someone who can just go into a public restroom and cavalierly drop a deuce. The first time in my entire life that I pooped in a communal bathroom was in college; in fact, I recall being most nervous about that aspect of dorm life more than anything else (as it turns out I SHOULD have been more nervous about my freshman roommate sitch, but that's another story). Anyway, it takes a LOT for me to use a bathroom other than my own to pinch a loaf---and this morning, I would have traded my kingdom for just about any bathroom.
Today I happened to run a route that included exactly zero viable bathroom options, other than possibly squatting on someone's front lawn like a dog. Ooh, I was suffering. I made it to 5.99 miles before I had to pause, compose myself, take a little waddle/walk around in place and give a very stern talking to my muscles. I ran for another half mile before the turtle nearly won.
Shamefully I walked the last half mile home, waddling, sweating and breathing deep the entire way. Ugh, I even passed the constantly-locked bathroom in the cemetery across the street from out house. Side note: why the FUCK do they keep that bathroom locked?! It's just RIGHT THERE by the front gate, taunting anyone who is foolish enough to think she can just leisurely saunter in and do her business.
I made it home right in the nick of time. Mostly.
Oh my god, I'm an animal. I'll get that last half mile tomorrow.
Run happy.
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