Truthful Plans

After putting together my running goals for 2016, I took a few minutes to think about how to achieve them, and more than a few minutes about what will hold me back from getting there.

It doesn't take a whole lot of work to come up with a wish-list. And, as the saying and memes go, a goal without a plan is just a wish. Sure, there's plenty of things I WANT to achieve this year.  Lose x amount of weight, cut x minutes off per mile at each distance, cultivate a thriving blog . . . all worthy ambitions and not impossible to achieve. But no one's getting anywhere just sitting around wanting things to change.

The first step to getting where I want to be is to just stop fucking around. This looks like eliminating useless snacking and sugar-indulging and too-much-beer-enjoying. The past few months I've cut myself a ton of slack and have essentially stopped tracking what I've been putting in my body. I was in my best racing shape when I was more diligently, but not obsessively, counting calories and making sure I put high octane into my fuel tank. So, in the spirit of new beginnings, I am going to work very hard to snack on healthier options, to opt out of snacking mindlessly and freely after the kids go to bed, and to enjoy adult beverages responsibly two nights per week. I'm not planning on being perfect, but I do plan on dialing my efforts up a few notches.

Secondly, I need to be fair but firm with myself and my expectations. I know in the deepest parts of my heart that I am nowhere near my best running shape. Which means track intervals and long run paces aren't going to be as fast as I would like. That doesn't mean I can't be proud of where I am without working to get somewhere else. I can be happy with my current level of fitness while wanting more at the same time. And not beat myself up for not being where I want to be, yet.

Third, and this is always easier said than done, is to just do it. Damn, that is such a boring old cliche but isn't it just the truth? I mean, if I want this blog to be a living space, then sit down and write. If I want to get faster and fitter, make the commitment and get my ass to the track. No complaining, no second-guessing; just write, run, hit the publish and the lap buttons. Go.

Ah, so there are the bullet points for how to get from Point A to Point B, but what about the inevitable stumbling blocks? I've thought a bit about what's really holding me back. And that's the real scary shit.

The big ones, and here's the truth, are fear and envy. Putting myself out there, risking failure and looking foolish . . . those have always been some of my biggest fears. Typical first-born, Type-A personality, I expect to just do it well the first time. I'm hoping that by getting this out of my head and into the ether I can work a little smarter on sticking out the work. Being vulnerable but unafraid. And that leads right into envy, which makes my cheeks burn with embarrassment and anger. I have this need to compare myself with others, especially others who, at different times, I was running with as an equal . . . and, honestly, am not now. Just this morning, after my own short run, I was feeling happy and confident that this piriformis injury was maybe getting better. Then I saw another few runners' paces and distances on social media and immediately my happy little run turned sour. How awful to do that to myself, right? This is the biggest thing holding me back; not necessarily from running faster, but from being the best runner I can be for myself.

So. There it is. A skeleton of a plan to get through 2016, and come out in December better than I am here in January. I'm ready.

Now let's keep the injuries at bay, huh? Sheesh.

Time to #WomanUp2016

Here we are at the start of another year, January 1 yet again. A fresh, blank page in the running journal, time to set some goals and make a plan to achieve them.

Except, I'm at a bit of a loss. Where do I start? Truthfully, 2015 was a huge flop of a running year for me. I ran several personal worsts, sustained a handful of injuries that left me wondering how to recover. I worked with a physical therapist. I quit CrossFit. I started taking Runners' Bootcamp and took Spinning to cross-train. I ran 300+ fewer miles in 2015 than the year before.

I felt like garbage 90% of my running miles, was slower and felt like an overall failure.

But here's the thing: towards the end of 2015, I started to enjoy running again. After three injuries, it seemed like I was on the way back to my former running self. The Turkey Trot was the first race I'd run since the half-marathon in June, and the Mud Run in August after that. Neither of THOSE were very good, and I had no business expecting to run it well. And, well, I didn't. I ran the slowest I ever had, not counting the years I was pregnant. It was, however, the first race I ran wearing my Oiselle singlet, and it made me hungry for more. A few weeks later I ran a 5K (in December, in SHORTS!) and, while it still was 2 minutes away from my best, I felt so strong and confident. I managed to string together 3+ sub-seven-minute miles, and win my age group. After that, my runs started to get faster and more comfortable and longer.

And then my piriformis started to flare up and now here I sit with a literal pain in my ass. It is beyond frustrating to feel like things are starting to come back together only to have to bow out once again. Tomorrow is cross training, no running. I ran two miles today, and while my pace was fine and I felt pretty good, I could tell my piriformis was still aggravated. Came home, stretched, sat on the TriggerPoint massage ball. Uuurrrgghghghghg. Grr!

Anyway. Back to goals for 2016. I guess I need to just take baby steps back to where I was 18 months ago.

1. Run under 21 minutes for the 5K. I'd love to get back under 20, but that might take a little more time.
2. Consistent speed work. And on non-speed weeks, get in a good hill workout at the Ridge.
3. 1:35:ish for the Syracuse Half Marathon on April 3. I don't think I can get back to my PR of 1:32:xx this Spring, yet.
4. Blog more consistently. I need to get out of my own head, and I would like to connect with more runners, maybe grow this space a little bit.
5. Listen to my body when a possible injury is brewing. I want to get better at preventing injury rather than putting out fires.
6. Eat vegetables with at least 2 meals/day. I need to clean up my diet on a more consistent basis and I think eating more vegetables will help get that on track.
7. Core/Strength/Stretching. I plan to do core work, often in the form of Oiselle's Dirty Dozen, 3x/week, go to Runners' Bootcamp 1x/week plus a BaseSix/Prime workout another 1x/week, and consistently stretch and do Jasyoga after every run. I also need to figure in an upper body workout 1-2x/week.

I have a tentative plan to run a Fall marathon this year, thinking of putting my name in the lottery for Chicago, Marine Corps or signing up for Philly, or possibly Wineglass for a smaller race.

These goals right now seem a little impossible and a little scary, and it's hard to look at the all the work I need to do just to get back to where I was. I can look at a few decisions over the past year or so that took me away from where I was, and it makes me crazy to think I was such an idiot. But here I am, the blank first page of the Book of 2016, and it's time to fill the rest of the book with a good story. I'm ready to #womanup2016.

Three in a Row?

Somehow, over the past three days, I have managed to string together three really, surprisingly good runs. Not the fastest ever, but I felt strong and satisfied each time. I don't know what's happening, or how long it will last, but I'm really happy.

Saturday I did my regularly scheduled long run, which ended up being just seven miles. I had planned to go eight, but I was feeling strong and steady and decided at 6 to finish at seven with a faster last mile. Finish wanting more, I guess. Sunday's run turned into a five mile tempo. The middle three miles weren't blazingly fast by any stretch, but they were fast enough to feel hard and I was strong enough to keep going. And while I tried to recover in the fifth mile, I opened it up the last quarter and felt great.

We're back to summer schedules this week, so while my older son was at basketball camp, my little guy and I took to the Outer Harbor's bike path for the first stroller run of the year. It was a beautifully sunny morning, high sixties with little wind. I'll admit the path away from the waterfront was sunny and warm, and half of our route today was covered in goose poop (my son thought that was the best part). But after a slow warmup mile to get the legs and arms and brain used to pushing the stroller, the next three miles were under eight-minute pace. Which isn't setting any world records, I know. But it was faster than I thought it would be considering my relative lack of fitness, currently, and lack of stroller-running practice.  We covered a nice little four mile out-and-back, and I'm sure I'll be doing more of this in the coming weeks. I'll bring my older son along on his bike; truth be told I wish my little guy could keep up on his training-wheeled bike, but for now the stroller will have to do.

The cost of this photo was a no-time-limit visit to the new playground.

So, after three days of strong, solid running, I feel like I might be back on the path to where I want to be. I haven't been able to string together two solid runs in a row since way back in marathon training. For now, I'm happy with how it's going. 

The reward.

Race Recap: Niagara Ultra Series (Half Marathon)

Living in Buffalo, NY, we are able to jump in on some cool across-the-border Canadian races. Back in March I ran the Around the Bay 30K in Hamilton, Ontario with my best friend, Mo. It boasts that it's "Older than Boston", a fact which is weirdly emblazoned on the back of the race shirts. It was, however, a pretty good marathon tune-up. But that's not the race we're discussing today.

Last weekend I ran the half-marathon distance in the Niagara Ultra series. Coincidentally I'd heard of this race from a flyer (and enthusiastic club member) at the ATB30K expo. Runners could choose from the 10K, half marathon, full marathon or ultra marathon (50K) distances. I wisely went with the half, and decided to use it as a training run.

The race starts in Niagara-on-the-Lake, in a park, on grass, behind Kinsman Hall. This is also where runners pick up their race packets and (actually pretty nice) hooded sweatshirts. The races had half hour staggered starts, with the ultra runners going out at 7AM, marathon at 7:30, half-marathon at 8 and the 10K at 8:30.

At packet pickup. The Queen bestows her good luck.

A personal note here: these bathrooms (shown below, and called "washrooms" in Canadian) were a literal GODSEND. The race started at 8AM, but since I had to drive 40 minutes and deal with an international border crossing, I drank my breakfast and coffee in the car. By the time I got to packet pick-up, things were, um, starting to happen, gastro-intestinally. The doors to these washrooms were locked when I parked my car near them, so I decided to take my chances with the ports-potties near packet pickup. However after I got my number and sweatshirt, the line for the porta-potties had approximately sixty people in it, for the eight porta-potties available. I was beyond distressed. So, I made my way back to my car to drop off my gear and, lo and behold, the washroom door was WIDE OPEN. Lord have mercy, I think I was the first person to befoul use the facilities that morning. It was a pure heaven that only an early-morning runner can know.

OMG this was HEAVEN.

This race is pretty low-key, considering its distances. An example? As we lined up to start, the race director gave us some instructions and notes on the course ("Don't all jam up the start chute; no one's going to win the race in the first 50 meters."), said, "Ready, set go!" and we were off. The course is almost entirely on a bike path that runs along the Niagara River and Gorge. The full and ultra marathon distances take runners all the way to Niagara Falls, but the half and 10K turnarounds are way before that. The course is mostly flat, with some gentle rolling hills along the way. The "hills" are really like transitions from one part of the path to another. The path also runs in front of some gorgeous homes along the Niagara Parkway.

Overall this race, which is an out-and-back, has a park-like feel. The course was mostly shaded, but the open parts were really sunny. Considering this race is at the end of June, it could have been awfully nasty and humid. After a coolish start (mid-sixties) it warmed up quite a bit but wasn't totally oppressive. I ended up carrying my fluids (Tailwind in a hand-held bottle) because the water stops/aid stations were every 5K, and I didn't want to be too far away from water in the heat.

Personally I ran like garbage for the last part of the race. The first eight miles were decent. I had planned to stay right around 8-minute pace, which I held (sort of, was under for a few miles) through 8 miles. The last five were rough. I did a lot of walking, mostly because I just stopped caring about any kind of finish time. I did string an entire mile of running together from 9-10, but after that I just plain ran out of gas. Ah well. If nothing else, this race showed me where I need to improve, and that's never a bad thing.

The finish, as you can see below, was also on grass. This course was a literal out-and-back, so the last 20 meters or so were on the uneven surface. After receiving my medal and a bottle of water, I went back to watch my friend finish and then got the heck outta there.

Oh sweet finish line, there you are.

I'd definitely do this race again next year. For as home-spun as this race was, it was very well-organized and attended. The race pics were all posted on the Niagara Ultra's Facebook page by the next day. Imagine that: professional race photos FOR FREE. Despite my resemblance to Gollum in all of them, I was impressed.

Lookin', uh, yeah.

 So for now I have my point A, and it was my performance in this race. Looking forward to working towards points B and beyond.

Caught these two finishing hand in hand. Cute, right? 

Music Magic?

Today's run was far better than Tuesday's. Although I only ran four miles, it was the best I've felt in awhile. Not fantastic, and I've definitely had better runs, even recently, but easier, less stressful.

Read that: less STRESSFUL. Let me break this down for you: there's no hope for me ever making the Olympics, or even being wildly competitive even in my city. So why should I see running as stressful? Is it because I'm not running as fast or as well as I was not that long ago? Probably. And that's kind of silly. Who cares?

Well. I guess I care. I enjoy getting better and faster, and it kinda sucks feeling like I'm getting old and slow. 

But today went pretty well. I wonder if it has anything to do with listening to music? The past few months since Boston I've been running music-free in an attempt to get a handle on easy paces and being focused. Maybe, though, I have it backwards. The music does seem to help me stay focused on what I'm doing, and helps me keep going. 

My last mile today, for what it's worth, was a 7:13. I'm not saying it felt easy or even good, but it wasn't impossible. I'll take this as a little victory and hold on to it.

Implosion

Face full of fire, legs full of rocks, lungs full of mud. That pretty much sums up my run today.

I had modest aspirations of running an easy six. Last night's CrossFit workout included about a gajillion back squats and fronts squats and split jerks and box jumps, which could explain my heavy legs today. But not my burnt-out lungs and brain.

I don't get it. Just a few months ago, despite marathon training not going exactly as planned, I was still running well, able to string at least a seven-miler together without incident. Now I feel like I'm lucky to get in three without having to stop. Is it anxiety? One day the run will feel good, rather effortless, if not quite as fast as I'd been running during training. The next one will be an all-out disaster.

What is happening to me? Do I need to cut back on the frequency or intensity of my CrossFit workouts to get in decent training runs? Is it the heat and humidity? Am I just broken, irreparable? On these awful runs I just want to sit down and cry. I am beyond frustrated and don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Even slowing down pace doesn't always seem to help.

I'm taking a rest day tomorrow, from everything. No weights, no WODs, no running. I need to seriously re-evaluate what the hell I'm doing before I go crazy.

Oh, Still Running?

One tenth of the items packed for Boston weekend.

You know, I have these great ambitions. Back in the winter is was to chronicle my training to the Boston Marathon. I'd record each run, its highs and lows, mile splits, and be generally inspired by my own badass self, propelling me to a PR on April 20th.

Just a little off the 3:20 I'd been training for.

Um, ha ha. Womp womp. Cool story, bro.

Back in January, right after my last post, I had a gnarly bout with my left Achilles. As it turns out running on tired legs through the slippery snow isn't the greatest workout for already-overtaxed calves. Add to that I'd been running in my beloved Adidas Energy Boosts which, though light and comfy, put a lot of strain on my Achilles. I ended up taking a week off running, doing some cross-training indoors, and then getting back to running.

In the snow. And wind. And ice. And then back to the treadmill more often than I wanted.

Two days before the marathon, along the Charles River. Weather looks nice, huh?

Anyway. The short story is, my training was sub-par this time around. I am still working out the reasons for it, but mostly my attitude was terrible. I dreaded every workout, hated running in the freezing temperatures, got pissed every time I had to bundle under every article of winter running clothing AT THE SAME TIME. By the time the race weekend came around, I was mentally spent.

A couple of things I failed to do were to adjust my time goals and expectations to match my training, and change my attitude to truly enjoy the race experience. When race day rolled around, and the weather was, uhhh, sub-optimal (read: soaking wet and chilly), I simply got halfway and said SCREW THIS. I think if I had adjusted earlier on in the training I would have been better mentally prepared for the day.

Or maybe not. Who can say?

Anyway. I feel like part of me broke somewhere between training for Boston and the actual race. Currently, I'm working on true recovery runs. For a few weeks this meant running without a watch and not stressing about pace. I can't say honestly that I believe I'm in the best head space, running-wise, but not worrying about hitting certain times has helped get me to a better place.

Although a certain footwear company also uses this as its motto, I like to think I adopted it first.  Potato, potahto. 

So for now, I have a half marathon next week that I am truly using as a baseline, a new starting point. I can't expect to run the same times I was running three years ago when I'm doing different work. I do think I need to cut back on CrossFit a bit. It feels counter-productive, despite how much I enjoy it. I'm going to eat that elephant, one bite at a time. It just might take me a lot of really small bites to get there.

You haven't seen the last of me.